Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Whenever a situation appears to be all to familiar don't you find it a bit unnerving? You are then poised to wake up the memory banks and jog through many files and and extract why you feel aware that you have been through a similar experience at some point in you life. If I received a dollar for every one of those feelings I have had in my life I can guarantee that I would be a very rich man. If in fact the mind is like a radio tower then my dial was preset on the station because my signals come in loud and clear. If I had to draw a picture of it, then it would resemble an air flight tower at an airport. Lots of radars, with the blips of flight information zooming on the screens. Each plane of information on its own flight path to destinations. Most of the time inside my head that is what it feels like. Lots of directions and many paths to arrive at, all trying to land at the same time. How could anyone coordinate such a large amount of information? It seems to be my life's work to attempt such a feat. I always get the signals to follow and start the walk toward it and try to never look at the cracks in the sidewalks because they always show a dark line that I have to cross over in order to get where I am going.
Trying to fit into the groups at any school or function was very difficult for me. It was as if I was being forced to be like everyone else. I felt like the foreigner and would always make headway to the exit. Whenever I would arrive at a function that included many people my first thing I would do was to find the exit door and then begin my strategy on how to slip out so I would not be missed. Then I could say that I did show up like the rest and never had much information as to what happened after I left, as I really did not care. I balked at everything that a did not set me apart from the pack. I really did prefer to be out looking in as it made for quick getaways. That part still has not changed in this present time. I suppose the creation of this secret side came early in my life as I observed the people around me. I seemed to feel very different from all the rest. Girls would be my best friends and the boys always were much more complicated and rough. I did not feel a comfort zone in rough play.
Retreating to my solitude was my way of dealing with the majority. I could always vote my way and win, it would prove later to be a major hurdle to jump.
Within my walls of confinement many things would be created. I would envision large scenarios of who I would become and the fame and fortune that would come with each scenario. There were times in school when I would float away and totally leave my present situation, only to be rudely awakened by a teacher insisting that I pay attention. The many flights out the windows of school were the mind visions that would, in the future, all come true. In the moments when the situations occur it is as if there are two split television screens in my mind. One side is playing the original recording and the other side is playing the live version of the moment it is becoming reality. That constant signal of deja-vu became a deeply held secret and one that no one would know about. The times that were played out with my Mother's knowledge of what I had told her beforehand, would be snuffed out with her telling me to keep these things to myself and NEVER tell anyone about them. I feared greatly that I was an alien but would soon begin to focus clearer that it was something that I could use to my advantage. I soon realized that I was not alone in this clairvoyance. I happened on to a book in the city library on a field trip in April of 1961. It would take 7 more trips to the library to become acquainted with the clairvoyant Edgar Cayce before I could finish the large book. I was afraid of checking it out only to have it found by one of the parents or a schoolmate and be tortured for reading it. It opened a whole new world for me and being young and naive I would use this information to further my life journey's and release any fears for knowing things ahead of time.
This is not a special gift just for me. We all have this gift yet most are too busy to tune into their station and listen to what's being offered. It can move you to places you never dreamed and give you the strength to take the risks that you fear the most.
To have recognized this at an early age was a gift from a divine intervention. While at times I feared it, I also revered it. Call it gut instinct or premonition or clairvoyance, whatever you label it, it still is your precious gift and one that will never fail you.
I would never understand the full impact of what I had until the summer of 1962 and when all of that situation unfolded, I saw my first split screen in full high definition. To this moment in time the memory of that day is as clear as the day it happened and my fears of my special gift all dissipated. From that moment on I would depend on the signs and wait for the moment when the green light appeared. In the meantime I had to learn about the yellow and red lights as they had profound meanings attached.
So when you are on the radar and are destination bound remember to think about that flight tower, as someone is watching over you and will guide you safely to your landing. Pay close attention......... and just watch your screen.

1 comment:

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