Thursday, April 19, 2012


Often I sit at my computer and look at the blank screen and try to decide what I should write about and what would the reader most relate to that could be some sort of inspiration. I try to search my own personal experiences and hope that the stories can be enjoyable or enlightneing or even better yet,inspirational. All of those feelings are presentations that I try to put into words in hope that I may truly reach someone who may laugh, cry or just take the time to think about a correlation in their own lives. If only for that now moment they related to my written story. It was just the other day I decided to finish emptying the last couple of boxes from another long distance move. It was my last ditch effort to not look at those boxes anymore and put away the contents within. It was like a treasure trove of items that I had not seen for quite a number of years as the contents remained stored. As the saying goes, "if you don't see it you may not remember it or possibly did not need it afterall". I began opening the first box and it did not hold much that I really even needed or wanted, so I quickly dispensed most of the contents into a recycle bag for a Goodwill run. Near the bottom of the box was another box that was taped shut and no information of its contents was written on the outside of the box. This piqued my curiosity so I quickly removed the box and with my trusy razor blade, I unvieled a box of memories that I had thought were long lost many years ago. For some universal reason it was time to make contact once again with the memories and joy that were attached to the objects within the box. I carefully removed the items one by one and felt each attached memory that became exposed as I held each piece in my hands. As I neared the bottom of the box I noticed a piece of material that covered what appeared to be a book. I removed the cloth and gasped at the sight of my long lost discovery. There lay my most treasured of books that I had given up for "lost" many many years ago. Even though I had bought countless replacements and second editions for myself and for gifts to many friends, my heart still was attached to this original book. As I lifted it out of the box I left my present state of mind and was magiaclly transported back to the day when I first discovered my literary influential companion. Inside the pages that held so many of my emotions was a story of mystery, intrique and most of all requited love. Each page held a fascination for me and the words danced before my eyes as if it were written especially for me. For days I can remember the constant mind thoughts of how it would all play out and how I so did not want the story to end. I recall the moment that I discovered that belletristic fiction that would forever change my hope on finding real love. My friend and I had been following the flow of shopping pedestrians on that hot summer day in Washington,DC. The year was 1981 and we were still suffering from the disadvatages of being out too late the night before at the disco, and the effects of the previous nights libations and loud music were still wracking havoc on our heads. The heat was not helping the pounding inside my head so we decided to get out of the heat and found our way into a bookstore that was nearby. The blast of air conditioning cooled us immediately as we wandered through the store looking at all the books. We separated and I turned down an alternate aisle where I was taken aback at the cover of this one book that had its own display. It looked much like a gothic romance novel you would find at most stores and their cover pictures would jump out at you as they always had the handsome hunky man and some kind of woman in distress being held in a most seductive pose. While those books were not my choice to read, I must admit the pictures conjured up some pretty risque images in my head which I would silently put into my own words, and would only imagine what was written inside. It was always fun to look at those book covers in the stores but the book that I noticed on display at this particular bookstore bore a stiking resemblance to those other book covers only this one did not have a man and a woman on the cover, it was two men and it's picture screamed to me across the room. I stood there entranced by the cover and opened the book in hopes that it would be something I would enjoy reading. After looking through and reading bits and pieces I realized that I held the first gay gothic novel I had ever seen and had no idea that it would forever change my ideals about life and love, but would also serve up a huge dish of inspiration that would feed my desire to write. We left that bookstore and headed for home as my greatest desire was to get lost within the pages of the book that I had just bought. I savoured each page and had anxiety that I would be running out of pages to read as my ability to put it down was non existant. It was by my own forced choice to stop reading so that I would not have to reach the end so swiftly. My focus was deep into the pages and life did not exist except for the characters within the lines that I read. Of course the inevitable occurred and the epilogue arrived through the veil of tears that ran down my face. Sad that I had finished the book and happy that the conclusion left its magic aura in my heart full of hope. I silently made a vow and asked the universe for my own Donough and twenty years later it finally happened. Again and again I would read the book and each time still felt the excitement I felt upon the first reading. When I finished the book the first time, it continued to linger in my thoughts for days after and I took it upon myself to write the author a letter. While it may have come across like a gushing fan letter, I meant every word that I had written about the joy that book had brought to me. I received a wonderful response back and could feel the sincerity in thanking me for writing about his work. I planned a trip to his city of New York and we had hoped to meet each other however the schedules did not allow for our rendevous. While we did not get the opportunity to meet each other on that trip I never gave up the idea that I would one day meet him. I would always research for any new written titles he may have done. Whenever he would release a new title I would be always looking forward to reading his newest work. To this day that first novel still resonates within me as if it was a part of my soul. Upon discovery of my lost book I took to the internet in search of the author and was pleasantly suprised when I located an email address to once again send another letter. In my email I retold the story of our previous communication and how much his writing had meant to me and how I had just that day found my original book that had been stored and thought to be lost for over thirty years. I very much wanted to tell him that he had made such an impression on me because of his writing but more importantly how much he influenced my desire to write. It was a joy to share that gift,unbeknown to him, of how much influence his writing had indelibly inked my mind with the desire to put into words the many thoughts and ideas that are being transposed daily. There are people in all of our lives who have made an impression on us, and most of those same people never have a clue that in their own unkowing way left us with personal motivation to change our ways of thinking as well as influence a desire that was ready to be fulfilled. For me, I wanted to reach out and give thanks for the incitement that altered my course in life. When I received my response back from my email, the reply made me realize that I had made the correct decision to follow through on reiterating the wonderful influence that I received from that literary locution. We both agreed that had somehow connected us and although we have yet to meet, I know that in my future we will meet and it will close the last arc of the circle of predilection. In other words, friends connected by fate. If someone has influenced your life, take the time to let that person know, and you may find that silent connection that was made to connect you to your future path and the literal thrill of knowing their words had made a connection that got through to someone.