Monday, December 20, 2010


It was a most restless night trying to capture the sandman and get the much needed rest that my body screamed for. My brain's hardrive decidedly took another active route that would not intersect with the sleep highway. With every toss and turn I could hear every little snap, crackle and pop of the house movement of its downtime. My dog sensed my restlessness and decided to join in all the night fun. The few minutes of drifted light sleep were filled with the constant questioning..."Is LOVE really in the air" or is it just another title to a pop song detailing the infatuation of a new romance.
Me, Myself and I always believed in infatuation but always skirted the issue of love as it seemed all to encompassing. I watched as all my friends moved in and out of unrequited scenarios and felt the pain caused to them by people who's intentions were not well suited to sustain the "LOVE" that infatuation color blinded.

The longer I live the clearer the message becomes about relationships. They are not for the weak of heart and the sensitive mind. If good and honest intention's are not a part of the whole puzzle then time will show you the way a duet will split into a solo performance. In anything that pertains to the importance in your life, the passion known as "LOVE" must exist in order to sustain the longevity of happiness.

I always prided myself on not being the man who got into the motion of commitment to "LOVE". When someone made their feelings known that was my ticket out the door toward the freedom I felt I badly needed. I was not going to be one of those people that I was aware of who suffered through the pain of a broken, uncontrolled coupling. Fear always won out on that issue of heartbreak as I had heard too many songs on its aftermath. Sitting on a bar stool begging someone to not play B17 on a jukebox or becoming the nightly sad Nome who stares at the blinking neon signs in a smokey bar had no appeal whatsoever. Nope..."LOVE" was not going to bite me in the ass and infect me with it's venom of joy. The side effects after were to great to take that risk.....or so....I thought.

I unknowingly submitted my resume the day I decided to break apart my repetitious life and ask the universe for huge changes. Those changes were needed in my search to find myself. I used the excuse time and again that there would be no one for me because I reached for an ideal that would be impossible to achieve. Unbeknownst to me and my repetitive bleating, it only encouraged its arrival. Taking its path right to my door, I opened it, invited it in and did not look back till I was in deep waters. The fight for control and having things go my way was all to reminiscent of being single. The behavior of many prior years had taken over and I was not letting go until I reached the point of no return. Silent in it's being and all to unconsciously disruptive, control will always lose out when humans and "LOVE" become united.

My newly acquired awareness of the "LOVE" word has definitely moved me to another plain on the life spectre. It definitely is not modeled after any one thing but is formed in different ways for every person who comes in contact with it. To feel it, is rare and addictive. Much like a drug but twice as habit forming. While I purport the phrase "better living through chemistry", the "LOVE" chemicals found in the human brain could never be duplicated in a laboratory otherwise the drug companies would really own the world as everyone would want the drug. They would then take the drug and feel the euphoria but never earn the lessons taught by years of communication and compromise. Tools that are profoundly needed to sustain "LOVE" of any kind for any person or in anything we do.

I can see the difference in everyone who feels some sort of happiness in a person or something that they truly love doing. Whether it is being together with someone or just devouring your life destiny, the joy in it always leads to happiness which is then subject to love.

If you awaken in the morning and love seeing the morning sunshine, that is "LOVE". If you love that morning brew of hot coffee, that is "LOVE". If you take that jog and you love the way it stimulates your physical being that is "LOVE". If you get that happy wagging tail and dog licks, that is overwhelming unconditional "LOVE".
These questions could go on and on. SO to end the blog with the answer to it's title,
YES love is in the air, it is in everything we love to do and feel. SO breathe it in deeply and with every waking hour make sure you release the air of "LOVE" back out for anyone to drift by and catch it's energy.

I'm still learning to feel it more everyday and have almost completely detached from the need to control. I am replacing my previous habit with a healthier addictive happiness drug.

My joy... is brings me a "LOVE" I never knew existed before....the power of the words is amazing.

Monday, December 13, 2010


As another birthday is rapidly fading into the end of another year, I have had 365 days of hope, desire, failure, disappointment and depression. There were those rare glimpses of happiness that I held on to and just kept moving. Many new branches have sprouted on my living tree yet while the leaves have fallen I know it will soon give way to the the spring of renewed hope and a new life direction. I will soon be digging up my roots and planting my living tree into new soil in a new life location.

For the in-between time I will rest comfortably in a temporary tree pot and take in the light that will feed me the photosynthesis that will sustain the changes that will soon occur. I have taken the time to look back and see what things have occurred during this past year and the grand finale that broke the damn and unleashed the flowing waters of the river of my life. I can't remember a year that has held so much longing and desire for changes. I wished on every star that I could see at night, and touched every piece of clover I could get my hands on and stared ever so intently at the rainbows that appeared in the rainy sky and hoped for my OZ to soon arrive. I would definitely have taken the yellow brick road and clicked my heels hoping to arrive back to an environment where some kind of peace was to be found.

Throughout most of this year I could not see out of the forest that restricted my view to the path towards the light. Day after day another tree would would be felled and I would step over its trunk and just keep moving. For every trail that came to an end, another would appear and I would walk its path still hoping for that junction where all the dead end trails would flow into one highway leading me to the next destination in my life.
My personal realities have overflowed in the cup marked half full and others were lost in the cup marked half empty. Still all in all there is another cup that is now filled to its brim with acceptance and forgiveness and is no longer tainted with the acrid taste of control or will take a pungent bite into the palate of my tomorrow. The horizon has begun its ascent and I am able to see a flicker of light that is blinking, much like a beacon that beckons me on to the new shoreline where I will soon leave my footprints in its sand.

There have been a lot of friends who have suffered with me in my painful attempts to reach out to the universe for answers. My conversations with these many people have been supportive in ways that held me together in the times when I needed them the most. My work provided me the opportunity to talk and vent my frustrations and realize my plight in life is not as bad as it could be in comparison to others.
If you truly believe that your life is a mess, just take the time to listen to others and you will find that your situation is minuscule and is never as bad as it could be.

In the wee early hours of the morning I let my dog outside and as I stood there waiting for her to finish, I glanced up at the sky looking for the moon and clear sky hoping that the sun was going to shine when it finally gave way to dawn. I turned in time to see this very bright star pop out in the southern most corner of the sky. The clouds moved past it and I wondered how many other people were looking at the same star that I gazed upon. Were others up at the same hour having some sort of distress that they could not wrap sleep around to choke off their anxiety or were they searching for the same answers to questions that tainted their happiness?

The light that had traveled many millions of years to reach my eyes held a multitude of answers within its glow. I realized that at that moment, no matter how long it takes to reach you the light will arrive. It's ray will surround the living tree and the light energy will make the branches reach for the sky. The strength of the tree's roots will hold you firmly to the ground. New adventures, like the new leaves of spring, will burst forth and then life will begin again. When the autumn comes, once again, exposing the cycle of life endings and a treasure map of new beginnings.

I recommend watering your living tree daily with the knowledge of who you really are and the person that, one day, you hope to become. Your branches will support you in anything you deign to become.

Reminder: If you happen to pass me on the highway toward my new destination, please try not to get too distacted by the huge living tree in the trailer behind me, damn thing follows me wherever I go................