As another birthday is rapidly fading into the end of another year, I have had 365 days of hope, desire, failure, disappointment and depression. There were those rare glimpses of happiness that I held on to and just kept moving. Many new branches have sprouted on my living tree yet while the leaves have fallen I know it will soon give way to the the spring of renewed hope and a new life direction. I will soon be digging up my roots and planting my living tree into new soil in a new life location.
For the in-between time I will rest comfortably in a temporary tree pot and take in the light that will feed me the photosynthesis that will sustain the changes that will soon occur. I have taken the time to look back and see what things have occurred during this past year and the grand finale that broke the damn and unleashed the flowing waters of the river of my life. I can't remember a year that has held so much longing and desire for changes. I wished on every star that I could see at night, and touched every piece of clover I could get my hands on and stared ever so intently at the rainbows that appeared in the rainy sky and hoped for my OZ to soon arrive. I would definitely have taken the yellow brick road and clicked my heels hoping to arrive back to an environment where some kind of peace was to be found.
Throughout most of this year I could not see out of the forest that restricted my view to the path towards the light. Day after day another tree would would be felled and I would step over its trunk and just keep moving. For every trail that came to an end, another would appear and I would walk its path still hoping for that junction where all the dead end trails would flow into one highway leading me to the next destination in my life.
My personal realities have overflowed in the cup marked half full and others were lost in the cup marked half empty. Still all in all there is another cup that is now filled to its brim with acceptance and forgiveness and is no longer tainted with the acrid taste of control or will take a pungent bite into the palate of my tomorrow. The horizon has begun its ascent and I am able to see a flicker of light that is blinking, much like a beacon that beckons me on to the new shoreline where I will soon leave my footprints in its sand.
There have been a lot of friends who have suffered with me in my painful attempts to reach out to the universe for answers. My conversations with these many people have been supportive in ways that held me together in the times when I needed them the most. My work provided me the opportunity to talk and vent my frustrations and realize my plight in life is not as bad as it could be in comparison to others.
If you truly believe that your life is a mess, just take the time to listen to others and you will find that your situation is minuscule and is never as bad as it could be.
In the wee early hours of the morning I let my dog outside and as I stood there waiting for her to finish, I glanced up at the sky looking for the moon and clear sky hoping that the sun was going to shine when it finally gave way to dawn. I turned in time to see this very bright star pop out in the southern most corner of the sky. The clouds moved past it and I wondered how many other people were looking at the same star that I gazed upon. Were others up at the same hour having some sort of distress that they could not wrap sleep around to choke off their anxiety or were they searching for the same answers to questions that tainted their happiness?
The light that had traveled many millions of years to reach my eyes held a multitude of answers within its glow. I realized that at that moment, no matter how long it takes to reach you the light will arrive. It's ray will surround the living tree and the light energy will make the branches reach for the sky. The strength of the tree's roots will hold you firmly to the ground. New adventures, like the new leaves of spring, will burst forth and then life will begin again. When the autumn comes, once again, exposing the cycle of life endings and a treasure map of new beginnings.
I recommend watering your living tree daily with the knowledge of who you really are and the person that, one day, you hope to become. Your branches will support you in anything you deign to become.
Reminder: If you happen to pass me on the highway toward my new destination, please try not to get too distacted by the huge living tree in the trailer behind me, damn thing follows me wherever I go................