Wednesday, July 28, 2010


This morning I had the hardest time finding the courage to open my eyes and face the day. Not because of anything particular, it was mostly because I wanted more answers to the reoccurring scenario that has been repeating itself on a nightly basis. It involves a picture that has scenes that are of an abstract contemporary etching. It feels to me in the dream like it is on some form of aluminum and to look at it brings about emotions and feelings, which lead me to believe that some information is in the workings on the art piece. The attraction in the art piece is powerful and I keep being drawn to it in search of some kind of answer to questions I have yet to ask.
I wonder now of how many other subconscious signs have paved the way toward the future that is now my today. The impact that dreams can have on your conscious activity is amusing. All the images within that dream flash through your mind and all day long you are caught up in the idea of what it all could mean. I would have to say that the constant questioning is aggravating and leads to nowhere due to the fact that you are trying to find the rhymes and reasons for such imagery. This constant natural ability has been happening to me most of my life. I am aware that when you have a cognisant dream, it is the sign that you must stay aware that something is pending and to let the natural flow begin to lead you to the reality that is just around the corner. It will happen and most likely go unnoticed or will appear in he form of a deja vu that surrounds you with the most familiar scenario as if you had an instant replay of an audio visual situation.

Signs appear in the most unusual way. The day to day activity and noise debris are the distracting things that take your focus away from your conscious activity. At the intersection of Aware and Focused there lies an amazing amount of information that will move you to places that you had hoped to encounter. I learned at a very early age that no matter how much chatter is coming your way learn to keep your focus on the goal that you have planned and never take no for an answer. In fact find an alternate route and you will be amazed at what comes from taking a different road. The airport signs along the road will direct you to the correct gate that you will need to continue your flight toward your destination of choice.
While there are many positive signs that you will encounter there are just as many warning signs that are most important to pay close attention to, as they will direct you out of a dilemma that you may be sorry you got into.
I recall several times that I was to take a holiday trip and on numerous occassions I kept having moments of uncertainty about the flight. I would dispell the ideas as silly and would force them out of my mind but yet they would sneak unnannounced back into reality and I would have to rethink the situation again. I have even gotten on the plane and the emotion of fear would take over me and I have taken my seat belt off and took a run out of the boarding gate with such fright that I barely made it out the door before my fear would turn to extreme paranoia. It would always come with a conclusion that would have lead to an unhappy ending if I had not paid attention to the information that was being sent to me. Most of us would understand the term GUT feeling and there in lies the first sign to pay attention to. TRUST in it and you will have a more peaceful happy flight.

There were other times when I wanted a sign to tell me if I was heading in the right direction albeit a trip or a goal and I continued onward, still a bit insecure, when the simplest moment would occur and it was the sign that I was needing to make the ending a happy one. It could have been a situation, or a conversation or something that I may have read, it did not matter what IT was but it connected and I felt he click of the safety belt that held my security in my seat on the plane of which I was traveling.

When your intuition is questioned by others of influence remember to analyze the truth within your soul and know that it will put you on the correct path to where you want to be. How you interpret the signs is up to you, but I stongly suggest that you read them as they are seen and not infuse any idea that you are forcing into a reality that is not ready to happen just yet. If that occurs there will be unforseen ruts and potholes that will make your journey unpleasant and scrambling to find the way back to a smoother road.

I truly believe that the gift of intuition and clairvoyancy is within us all and all we have to do is be quiet and listen to the resonating information being delivered daily. When you are taken to the airport to catch a flight you have to pay attention to where your gate is and to the time of boarding. It is the same thing in life. Pay attention to the signs at your personal airport and read them as they are written and trust that they are directing you to the right gate.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Perhaps it is the age factor that makes becoming more aware of life an unexpected experience that had been slightly neglected in our youth. Or perhaps we just have opened our eyes to the things that have needed to be seen when the life timing is ready. We never know what twists and turns arrive in just one day of our lives. In the fraction of a second our lives can be altered in ways unimaginable and our flight gets disrupted and cancelled and we have to set about making new routes and reservations to places unknown before that moment of change occurred.
The ascent to beyond the horizon starts the day we are born and we know that it will end one day, yet we are never ready to accept that final flight without a fight. It seems to me that the destinations that lead you to that final boarding call have swiftly passed by and you hardly catch the breath of reality before it is time for the final ascent into the hereafter.
With trepidation and hope for a new beginning someday you transfer over to a new plain of soul renewal. You will leave the precious memories of your existence on earth behind for those who loved you. They will remember the gift of your life energy beaming off their resonating body and will continue to draw happiness in the memory of what was.
Loss of a loved human and all its relationship content does not come without pain. In fact it is a brutal affair with emotions that emerge without a warning and reek havoc on your mind and body. Then, while that is happening, the shock debris cloud hovers overhead like a bad thunderstorm about to erupt and all the chaos and fears and unsettled emotions begin to rain down like a monumental flood. It moves you to emotional areas never known before and dumps you there and provokes you to walk on and dares you to try. Through the veil of tears, the watery vision seems unclear until you take the first step alone. Day by day and step by step the gathering of your shattered life begins to piece itself back together, with a bonding agent that is not bought in a store but was paid for in love, strength and hope for a happier tomorrow.
The passing of a friend evokes many thoughts of love, life and feelings. In the time of a life crisis, you will become the solid rock that someone will need to lean on until they get their footing and can redirect their life flight. It is with much sadness that I had to become even more aware of the loss of a life and the morbid twist of sobriety that a dear friend must endure with the exit of their spousal transition.
You can never test the strength of a person until the shadow of a death leaves a mark on their heart. Unfortunately this test arrives without notice and in one explosive moment the world once known, becomes a blurr and almost unrecognizable with the upheaval of all that was once known as normal. I can view from the distance the amazing ability to adapt to such an ordeal. I see into the forest while my friend seems lost in the trees. I know that a path will clear for the exit into the sunlight but the process of grief will take it toll on the heart strings that tug daily. The life that once was on both parts must now merge into memory and become the next act in the play of life that is still moving forward.

To me an obituary should not read of "what was and who they were" but it should speak mountains of the legacy left behind for all to be aware of. Information that could spark inspiration and hope for each other. If we speak of what was, it paints the picture that eventhough their physical presence is not with us they are no longer of importance. Their vast memories remain alive and will compel us to think of similarities that we may be privy to at a later date and compare their memory to use as a stepping stone toward each day of life.

If I think of his past, I can only envy his future. A future that we will never know on this plain of earth. We can only surmise of the pleasantries that will abound from the earthly strings that once held his soul here. He left behind the people who will move his memory forward and forever etch his name across the land he once walked on.
Should we be sad, yes for the moment, but in a selfish way but we must remember the joy that we once held by knowing him when life flowed through his body. The law was his choice of a life profession and now he will practice the law in a realm free of hurtful situations and crimes that have to be settled by a judge. The only judging to be done in this lawless realm will be to judge the good things that he left behind. Being quiet and modest as to who he was only allowed others to understand the integrity with which he stood his ground on. He held many surprises and allowed his destiny to play out with silent thoughts.

The people he will leave behind will eventually fall back into their daily routines and life will go on. Only now life will be viewed differently. Every waking day will be more appreciated and the things that once went unnoticed will be viewed with open eyes and a softer heart. The unseen law that he practiced while alive will be the unwritten law of a life who aspired to do the right thing in representing human rights. His case needs no judge, as he will view us all from a courtroom unlike any we will ever see on earth.


Friday, July 9, 2010


As with most, there are special people in your life that bring about special times and memories that can create a smile on any day just by thinking of them and the moments that you have shared throughout your life. I have been lucky to have that special friend who has been in my life longer than I have known anyone. Such is the case for knowing one for so long, you always have the connection and whenever times allow in being together, you add more to the already huge list of life's precious memories that are ingrained within the hidden channels of your brain.
My best friend and I have traveled to many places and have shared some of the most amazing of times together, so it would come of no surprise to anyone who knows us that wherever we happen to be, or plan to be, there is always a special surprise waiting just around the corner that the two of us fall into. It would seem as crazy as any Lucy and Ethel skit and will always end up with uproarious, raucous laughter to seal the moment.

Take for instance our most recent rendezvous. It always starts off well planned, without any assumptions that something is pending ahead. It started off simple enough, catch a ride to the train station, get on the train and relax for our journey ahead.

Close call, the forgotten cell phone showed up just in time.
It was not left at home as it was thought to be. We took our places in the business class section and awaited our entrance into the Canadian countryside.
"What do you mean there is no dining car....only a snack lounge there cocktail availability?
Whew, close call,.... long journey, no libations was the first sign of danger ahead but that fear was quickly extinguished by the on board announcement that the lounge was open and now serving beverages and that nice cocktail would take us to our comfort zone but we still had seven and a half hours to go. We made ourselves content relaxing in our seats trying to keep busy and napping every now and then.
A couple of hours into our ride I opened my satchel to get my computer and the potent acrid smell of medicinal herb sprang forth to embellish everyone's noses nearby. I asked about the smell and my friend explained that a gift for the journey had been given for our pleasure later and the joint was in the camera case that he put in my carry on bag. It was a good enough explanation, and no extra detail was needed to be given, I closed the bag and worked on the laptop for a while.

We had a halfway stopping point which gave us a few moments to try and procure a little dinner which led us on a very quick brisk walk to find a spot close by to have something to eat. We came back empty handed as there were no eateries within our area and our space of time to get back on board was short and we resigned ourselves to the train menu which was very limited. We were hungry and tired and still had some time before our arrival in Canada. The train system in the USA is very limited and there were quite a few stops and bridges to cross but the scenery made it all worthwhile. We arrived in Canada but still had to wait a while for a bridge to close up before we arrived at the station. I felt that we would never arrive and when we did we left most of our tired logic and senses back on the train.
We were the second car to empty out that evening and we were very much delighted to finally be there. We looked forward to relaxing in our hotel room and changing out of our travel clothes. Unfortunately we were not paying close attention to what laid ahead, and that my dear readers is quite the story to tell.

We both were so concerned that we had our passport and identifications available and proceeded to gather all that information, that we failed to notice that out came a delightful handsome black Labrador dog. Who graciously blessed us both with much attention. As I stupidly stood there petting him on the head I did not tune into the fact that it was a drug sniffing dog, and the herb that permeated my satchel was a delight to his most handsome of noses. In fact he like me so much that he came back for another visit, ............... gee how cute I thought and then the light caught my friends lilly white face and he telepathically relayed the message loud and clear. " B U S T E D "
By the time I made the connection we were at the border desk being asked for our identifications, and as I made my way up to the desk I could feel the anxiety spread through me like a plague. I watched as my friend handed his passport up and answered the questions with finesse, yet I could feel that he was on my trail of fear that still loomed until we got out of the train station doors. It was my turn and as I tried to still the panic within, I answered the questions asked of me, yet all the while trying to think of a way to dispense of the herb that now would probably land me in jail for the night. Afterall it was just a joint but still illegal by the law's eyes. I got my passport stamped and we both headed out the door towards freedom, and as I was just starting to feel freedom so near, we were singled out to go to another room and have our luggage checked as well as our beings.

As we both moved towards the room per their instructions, both our persona's stayed focused and calm. NOW...where did that calmness come from I have no idea. The whole scenario played out like a movie. I could feel the camera setup before me. We were the stars in some sort of drug movie and our lives depended on getting over the border unscathed and unnoticed. That was not to be.....we could feel the skin tingle with the fear of getting caught and just how we would be able to have, what started off to be, a fun getaway. Only now it felt like a scene from "Midnight Express" and two mature gay men were going to be locked up in some foreign jail, never to return to Saks Fifth Avenue or another Neiman Marcus sale. It suddenly became an out of body experience as I heard every thought my friend was saying to me and my thoughts were being heard also on the other side of the room. We never had to speak, we both endured interrogation beyond the normal range. Here we were dressed up in Prada and Gucci looking like very responsible American citizens and now we were being questioned about carrying massive amounts of, heroin, crack, crank, cocaine, and marijuana. If that was not enough we were thought to be carrying firearms also.
I was in dizzying disbelief that these most handsome border patrols were trying to coerce some kind of reality while the ONE joint laid inconspicuously in the camera case. Our items were gone through and removed from our bag one item at a time. My friend encouraged his inspector to check all the pockets, nooks and crannies within his luggage, while I stood smashed up against a wall while the inspector informed me to tell him now of what we were hiding before they found it. His demeanor, while not aggressive, reeked of hope to catch the smuggling "Attitude Americans" . He confessed to smoking and doing drugs occasionally but I needed to confess what I had hidden before it was found in my bag. With every ounce of tongue control I bluntly told him to help himself in trying to find something that was not there. He did not seem to interested in my response so I directly asked if he needed anymore answers and to quit trying to get me to admit to something I was not guilty of doing. That prompted him to move away quickly and move to the other side of the counter where he began to requisition my friend to see if our stories matched.

Meanwhile the only real "Attitude American" was now taking his dose of inquisition to see if our stories were corroborated, when suddenly the most amazing thing occurred.
I peripherally saw the inspector take out the camera case (movie camera cuts to the camera and it's case) while I am still looking straight into his eyes, I casually glance at my friend across the room at the desk where his items were strewn on the counter and I heard within my head his plea to "STAY CALM".
He dutifully and graciously picked up the camera and its case, as well as my laptop and began inquiring about its disc contents and what would be seen on both. As if perhaps, pictures and names of my dealers would magically appear.....hahaha
I answered his interrogative questions about what he might find on my laptop and directly spoke to this patrol that if "he wanted to take me back and strip search me I was all for that" and he cut the tension with a most delectable laugh. It was at that moment that he removed the camera from it's case. That same moment, I was planning to be busted for the joint and was already designing my new home prison cell. I was in silent awe as I glanced across the room to my friend, whose face had completely drained of blood, stood watching across the room at what was being played out before our very eyes. His deliberate intensive glare loudly spoke once again in my head "STAY CALM"
It was at that very second that the joint rolled out of the camera case and was now in full view for anyone to see. As it laid on the inside edge of the case I quickly viewed it peripherally and kept my eyes solely on my inspector so that I would not draw attention to what laid in full view. I very much tried to keep him distracted from what laid out in view and knew that the camera that he held reeked of medicinal herb and yet he was content to keep inquiring, just hoping for a confessional breakthrough yet much to his chagrin nothing turned up. I swiftly glanced again at my friend across the room watching this whole filmed scene play out, when I saw the inspector pick up the camera case, eyes still on me, and as he tilted the case as his eyes kept me in full view, that insignificant joint rolled right back in it's holding area.
It was then that he put the camera back into it case, closed it, and laid it close to the other articles that were scattered about the desk. He nor anyone else noticed the "joint that got away". I looked across the room and could see the blood start to travel back to the outer reaches of my friends face, as if to say a great big "WHEW".
My articles from my bags were scattered about and I was still reeling from the moment of "DIVINE INTERVENTION" when he and his inspecting partners apologized for taking our time and thanked us for our cooperation. "Did you want me to repack this or would you like to" he asked. It was at that moment I snapped back into reality and quickly said that I would be happy to put it all back and that I very much respected his job and it was not a bother and I was not upset.

Upset hell, I had at least three heart attacks, wet underwear and could still feel the numbness of fear as I repacked my bags. Still realizing that the damn dog was nearby and the discovery of substance avoided, I had to figure out how to repack the camera that still laid on the counter. I looked across the room and saw that my friend acknowledged the presence of gods furry creature nearby and sent the message that I readily received. It would be imperative that I somehow disguise the smell of our gift so that I would not be "BUSTED" a second time as we exited this final scene toward freedom. I kept glancing at the camera case and how I would approach picking it up and packing it so its aroma would not follow me towards that canine and out the door of this inspection room. I found a travel can of hairspray that felt empty but I hoped for a squirt or two from the can and whatever remaining ingredients that might spray forth with an aerosol lacquer smell. AHHHH....divine intervention once again and as the last vestiges of spray spit forth, I sprayed my shoe inside and quickly picked up the camera and its case and shoved it briskly into my shoe, zipped the bag and turned to start my exit.
As if all that happened was not enough, that black snifster was still an awaiting nemesis fifteen feet ahead, and I still had to walk by him. I saw that we were not the only people being treated to a special meeting of border inspectors, albeit we were the older and nicer looking culprits, but the line ran out the door as we exited. There were so many people crowding the door that I swiftly lifted my bags high above my head to squeeze through the crowd with the most intense fear that the dog had it in for me, when the inspector who grilled me so intensely, led the dog back outside which paved my way out the door toward a taxi. My friend, still paralyzed from that whole debacle, tried to speak and I said lets not discuss this till we land in the safety of our hotel. With his savoir faire and his most award winning performance he happily spoke to the cab driver as if nothing had just transpired. While I sat in the back, almost hoarse from fear, could not say a thing. I was transfixed at how incredible he moved from one scene to another and how he kept himself so together so that no one would have known what we both just went through.
I sat in the back of that cab and realized just how surreal that previous scene had played out with such an amazing ending result. We arrived at our hotel and as my friend stood there looking so debonair, checked us in, his first question was "Is the BAR still open" which was the signal for alcohol tension relief. After leaving our bags in the room on the top floor, we vehemently made a dash to the libative lounge where we spilled out every detail that we each had just experienced. As the cocktails did their cleansing magic we both acknowledged that once again we had added another chapter to the book of friendship that we had shared for so many years. We had been kicked out of hotels for too much laughter and now we were suspected of being drug lords and we are still here to tell the stories that seem to arrive most unexpectedly.
I guess we should have been more aware that there might have been drug sniffing dogs at the border but we know that while we are older our collaborative efforts still feel as if we were in our twenties. Looking back, eventhough it was a harrowing experience, I felt the safety of someone who would be there if I ever needed help. It was a mutual feeling and showed what friends will do for each other in times of crisis.

As I make my way toward the epilogue of this "event" I can look back and see how silly it all went down. How unnecessary it all was and how it changed our perspective of Canadian borders. We were just two mature, well dressed tourists who wanted to visit their city. I searched for some kind of moral to the experience that evening in hopes that it would ease my opinion of customs and border patrols yet it still alluded me. The answer to my query would appear in the most funny way the next day.

The next day after a couple of hours of most intense shopping to ease our unfortunate pain of the evening before, we blended into the crowds of moving people out on the street which led us to a large city park all taped off with large signs with cannibas leaves painted on them and a very large banner which read "SMOKE OUT! LEGALIZE MARIJUANA IN CANADA". We ventured toward the stoned crowd where bongs and pipes were graciously shared by all and the smell of burning marijuana weed filled the air. As we entered to take a look, we panicked and turned around fearing that we would be stopped again as our clothes would smell of the essence of herb so we trotted out as quickly as we entered. It created quite a laugh for the both of us yet underneath the chuckle was still a sting.

This event would haunt us every now and then during our trip and our return to our homeland, which required no inspections of our luggage at the border. We both tried to analyze how it all went down and how we weathered through it with such aplomb.
It did not dawn on me until later that the reason for such an intense search probably had to do with the "SMOKE OUT" in the park. It was then that I understood why all those young people were lined up to be searched as they were making their way to the Cannibas Carnival. We unknowingly got infiltrated with the group of migrating pot people all by happenstance. conclusion:
If you ever travel to the great country of Canada remember to leave your personal greenery behind or you might be starring in your own version "Cannibas House of Horrors".