Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I suppose that within every second of your life there are situations that arise that can create an impact and send you down another road that was least expected to travel down. Within everyone's life there is some sort of constant energy that infiltrates our daily lives and creates some sort of momentum that moves you through each twenty four hour period. Even in a dead sleep the silent energy is still moving around you. I have heard tell of situations that arise in life which shake you up one side and down the other. A force so strong that it blasts apart every known reality that you previously had lived. The unseen moment is a creeper that sneaks up on you and the impact is monumental. You quickly realize that the seemingly solid pieces of your life are now scattered everywhere and there are no printed directions of how to put them all back together. No matter how I try to understand it, the remnants of what was still lay scattered around me. Even though the smoke has cleared the ruins still remain. I look around and realize that what once was... will never be again. The sadness is overwhelming at times but the present uncertainties are blinding. At times the feeling of loneliness is overpowering. To say that the signs were not appearing to warn me of any impending explosion would be a falsehood, and like most I just read them wrong and created a distraction so that my view would be obscured, thus I would not have to deal with it at that time. Once there was a time when reaching out for anything that I dreamed was easy and incredibly exciting. Moving from one desire to another was innovating and before I could finish one desire I already had five more waiting in the wings just ready to be activated. At the present time I still have many dreams but the links with which to connect them all are missing and I can't seem to find the missing link that will put them all together. I know it is there and while I sift through all the debris that seems to be hiding it I am trying to comprehend the changes that are present and try to find the shred of hope that will keep me hanging on to the future. I am learning the hard way to accept grief as part of any life situation that deals you an unfortunate loss. I can try to avoid the sadness, but suddenly it will appear when I least expect it to. When it hits I just have to roll with the punch and wait to come up for air and when I do, I take a deep breath and just keep moving. The absence of my loss is huge at the present time and this mountain is a hard one to climb and as I still feel the reverberation from the loss impact my tears quell the pain which absorbs my heart. Soon the emotions will get a little easier to handle and my eyes will begin to see a little clearer. The hole in my heart will soon heal and my reach for the stars will once again get nearer. My moment of impact was riveting and undeniably shattering to my core being. I know that the changes that occurred from this will strengthen my awareness of the "life" signs that will be read correctly and most of all be paid astute attention to. I will wait more patiently for my future rush of exhiliration...for when I locate the missing link .....it will connect me to the now of dreamed realities that will create a happier moment of impact.