Saturday, September 17, 2011


With the fall comes that indecisive month of September, that wishy washy month that will determine the outcome for the following months of weather and mood changes. It signals the time for all people to return to the inside of their homes and begin to settle in for the long haul of cool and damp air space. From my windows the display of falling leaves have begun to litter the yard in colors of orange , gold and brown.

Like a quilt of autumn debris that will soon turn to the color of dirty matte brown.
For some reason this always brings about some sort of panic for me as I begin to feel trapped within the confines of cool and wet weather fronts. The southern blood that courses throughout my veins is not adaptable to the grey skies and hidden sun that permeates my surroundings in the fall and winter of my residential status.
There is a bright spot though that has begun to present itself in a soft glow that hopefully will cloak me in the warmth that I have missed these past eleven years.

While the idea of going toward a new living area is enlightening, I know there will be a stack of decisions that will have to be made in order to bask in it's realm. Of course nothing is easy. There will always be decision's that will need to be made no matter what choices one makes but within each new horizon I see there lies uncertainty. Having the youth factor at one time certainly clouded the direct view of realities that could show up, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't wish for that cloud to appear to distort any awareness of those lurking uncertainties. I know that my numerical age should account for the knowledge to think things completely through before the leap of faith, but my mental age wants to jump and release the fears that age has made present. It is a fight for some sort of mental complacency and in some strange way I have an insight to just let it all fall in the direction to where it is going and stop fighting the horrible need to control it all.

The truth of the matter is control is an illusion I use to stop from having people make any decisions for me. I will admit it is not my best trait, but each day that passes by destroys the control joystick a little more. It shows up every now and then but does no harm except to frustrate me in having to let go one more time and just let it all be. Inside this grabbag that I call my mind, I ask that repititve question "which way is clear". The answer is always that no matter where I will go I will meet myself there.

If I look deep inside me what will I see from experiencing these life changes? Hope,Anger,Doubt,Exhiliration,Fear,Happiness,Lonliness,Security, other words...just normal ME. SO now I can truly be asked the question:
"Where Am I Going" and my new found answer will be "You Tell Me"!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


At three in the morning I had the pleasure of taking my dog outside for some early morning duties and through the fog of sleep still resting on my eyes I looked up into the sky and noticed a bunch of shooting stars, one after the other, flying through the night sky. For some reason I watched as my dog looked up into the night sky also and I wondered if she got to witness the same phenomenon.
I took the position to believe that she did as she walked over to me as if to say "Did You See That". I patted her furry head and asked her the same question she silently asked me and with a paw she handed me, readily agreed it was quite something to see. I found myself in one of those amazing life moments when I realized that this memory will never leave my mind and the emotions felt throughout the scene will reach within my heart so strong that whenever I recall the memory it will be relived as if it had just happened.

We both sat on the cool damp grass and as she laid her head in my lap, I realized that no matter what happens in life and the people and pets who filter in and out of my life, the show goes on and I still require the center seating to embrace it all.

The galactic extravaganza that I witnessed put my view into quite a different perspective. My little human form cannot compete with the space that surrounds me on a daily basis which goes virtually unnoticed by the noise that spatially takes my focus away from the present moment. Perhaps it is the fact that age has gracefully allowed me to succumb to paying closer attention to the most incredible things. It doesn't matter how I became aware, the point is that I have become more aware and I don't want to miss anymore of the things that move my heart and make me realize how fortunate I am to actually be alive in this dimension of present time. As I sat in that cool morning air I began to clearly recognize how infinite time really is.

For most of my life I have had the gift of knowing that at some other time I have been on this plain of life before. I have been given the gift of knowing information ahead of time and the sense to pay attention to most of the information. Through my most impetuous times I will have to admit that chaos and focus strayed me from time to time but I always knew better but just had to find it out myself. Now it is more important than ever to readily embrace the information and listen carefully to what is being said inside my brain and connect the dots to the heart field. Running all my bases has landed me to a home base.

At my home base I can see the big life stage that will play out the next few acts that I get to star in during my seasonal autumn run. I can only hope that I will get a winter run also, as I have clearly stated that clause in my life's contract. I get top billing as long as I recite my lines cleverly and not wander off my marks. I don't think there will be any teleprompter to give me my cues of what to say or how to act. The only thing I am going to depend on is my brains hard drive that encompasses the huge amount of memories and realities that will create the dialogue that will deliver all the future lines that will garner me the life award for most awareness.

After some time and stillness, my pup and I got up and slowly walked back inside the house and as I shut the door, sheltering me from that vast open sky, I received the message loud and clear. The show does go on every second of everyday. Within the moments that you have taken to read this, stop and take a look at the show that you star in and ask yourself "Am I delivering the lines that have been written for me by someone else or am I reading the lines from the "Book Of ME". Just taking a few moments to ask that question has made you take a closer look at yourself if only for a brief time.

So now...begin to take the time to audition life in a new light and when you get your call back remember that there is a shooting star out there with your name attached watch for goes on forever illuminating your life!