Monday, December 28, 2009


It seems utterly crazy for time to fly by so fast when you get over 50. The days seemed to never end before you became an adult. Remember the summers that never seemed to end and the dreaded day of returning to school. I think that the whole scenario should change when your younger so the school days would go quickly and when you get older the days need to slow down so you can take every day in and soak up life every second that you are awake. I had often wondered why the days seemed so long back in my youth and now I can come to fully understand why. When your life becomes the routine of work, family and all things sandwiched in between, you completely lose yourself in your responsibilities. I think I liked it better not having any responsibilities, but life hands them to you per your choices. That's it plain and simple. If not for our choices, I know that life would be very dull and uninteresting. As for me, well I can never get enough of wanting new things and developing new ideas. It is like a drug and one that will probably put me in my grave in time. I don't care, hell at least I am living my life as chosen by no one other than ME. We all have to own up to our good and bad decisions. I never really liked owning up to my crap as a kid. It was totally beneath me to be put on the spot and take the responsibility for something I did, and at the time, for me anyway was the right decision.
I believe that no choice is either right or wrong, it is who it affects that puts the label on it. Youth gives you the right to make bad decisions and that is how you learn from all of the choices, right or wrong. By today's standards and the holy terror of what is happening in schools today, I would have to say that my decisions at that time were lame and totally safe from this baby boomers point of view. I could always assume that when I did something I wanted to do there might be some flack from my Mother. She was a Mother and that was her destiny to guide and protect except that I made it very clear I really did not want her opinion. I definitely would handle that attitude differently today. I secretly hoped that she would come around to my way of thinking and at times she surprised me, but most times it was a fight for the finish line.
Any guidance when your young is just irritating. I never thought I didn't know better, so it was truly frightening when in my 30's , I was brought to my knees with a big reality check. The chaos of information just kept getting bigger and I wanted to be, do and have everything. It was painful when I could not access my choices quickly. School at least turned the volume down for those 8 hours I had to concentrate on academics. When the last school bell went off so did my chaos alarm. It was like a reminder bell that it was time to wake up and start the panic again. I honestly cannot believe I made it through those years safely.
We were an average middle class family and we had the things that most kids wanted, for me though I began to yearn for more. I would often times beg my parents to move from our "Death Valley" town where the world's senior citizens lived. UGH! I was like an alien in a far off land. We had it all the a nice home, the beach and a daily amount of sun that you could always depend on.
The old folks dropped like fly's and being just only nine I had seen enough dead ones at the beach. My first dead one kept being rolled back and forth with the tide and it seemed everyone walking by assumed they were enjoying the water or asleep and did not bother them. After about a half hour of watching my first one, rolling back and forth, I wandered down to the lifeguard station to report that I thought something was wrong, and it was. SO another one bites the dust. So by the end of that spring that would make 6 people who traveled their last road via the Gulf of Mexico. My visions of those people would make for some very comical moments later in my life. I used those experiences when trying to win the votes to move from our city . But it was not to be, we stayed put and I had to drop the subject. Well for the time being anyway. I would make it the first thing I did upon graduation.
I really had nothing to complain about but to me it was just not enough and I just did not have the patience to wait for the future. My Dad would always say to me that if you try to force things to happen it can lead you to a wrong turn in the road. I took those wrong turns and it was painful to retrace those steps and not venture down those roads again. I began to learn that you can plan your trip carefully, and make the itinerary as detailed as you want it. You will have your departure date and the arrival time but it is the uncertainties in between that can get to you. I tended to dwell on the in between and never feel the now of any situation. That would always become my chaos. I patted myself on the back as I thought I had it all throughly prepared and set in stone, but believe me there were many mechanical malfunctions that were to surface quickly and unplanned. I didn't know everything after all..........HMMMMMMMMM

1 comment:

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