At a time when most people my age would be taking the time to figure out some kind of retirement plan I just cringe at the thought of even considering something like that. Which would lead me to say that I have no plans to sit still, give up and just wait for the sun to rise and set. It's all I can do to even get to sleep at night as I am thinking that I must eek out every waking hour knowing that I had a full day of life and all it had to offer for the hours that I was living in the now. They didn't have all the scientific terms for extremely active boomer kids like me except "hyperactive". I never really knew that was what I was like because there was so much that I wanted to do in a day. Everyday there were new ideas, plans, wishes and hopes. Every night star that I would see in that Floridian sky had a wish attached. I used to think the stars would fall out of the sky as they were burdened with too many things that I had requested them to do. Every penny I found had more good luck to follow and a clover patch meant it would all come true. Every year that went by time would wave her hand and the movement would blow away more sand from my eyes and I began to notice that life was a big responsibility and not to be taken lightly. You learn many things growing up, a lot from your mistakes, but if your paying attention, you won't repeat them again. However as you and I both know that is easier said than done. Some of us get it on the first try yet others seem doomed to repeat and repeat and never learn their lessons.
I have a terrible problem with being told no and that often put me in the dark many, many times. I would come away with a new strategy every time and some of the ideas worked and some did not. I always kept true to a back up plan and could always find a solution even when all else seemed to fail. I could never shake the feeling that something lurked around the corner that I would miss it if I did not pay attention. To this day the feeling still haunts me but now I know that it will always be elusive and will never be found.
I can't really recollect when that feeling began to shroud me but I would invisibly wear it around me everyday .
My parents were the products of their previous generations. You meet, date, marry and have children and get a mortgage. Mother was a true southern girl and my Dad was from the hills of Kentucky. No matter how you write their bios they were country people to the bone. However I never thought of Florida as southern country but Mother had the qualities of a true southerner.
Dad had the unfortunate luck of being called to war duty twice in his lifetime. The experiences he had seen would bring us to our knees in horror. They also shattered his inner being and made him very hard to reach when it came to matters of the heart. As with all servicemen at that time they had no post traumatic counseling they were just told to man up and forget it all. I will never understand how one could ever attempt to shake off the reality of what he had seen. I was drawn to my Dad because he seemed unreachable at times but make no mistake I am totally my mother's son. That said, is exactly why we would butt heads so often. My Dad would come to my rescue and then quietly fade into the background again. Dad had his own appliance business and Mother worked in the aeronautical department of Honeywell making parts for space crafts. Her work hours were long and her schedule was at night so my parents passed each other in the morning. This would put a strain on their already fragile relationship.
My mother nurtured my love for records and music. It was a double edged sword for her as I never knew how to do things in moderaton. I never seemed to have limits. While most kids would go to the toy department when shopping I found myself lost in the record departments listening to all sorts of singers and exposing my mind to sounds and lyrics that played daily in my head. I would stare for hours at album covers and daydream so hard that I would not be cognisant of my surroundings until I came back to consciousness. This attribute would be hard to overcome as it would occur often and still sneaks in to this present day. That first school years were tough and it was apparent that changes were on the horizon, I was just too young to understand what they would be. As my life moved forward so did my cognitive abilities however I had no idea what they were called, I just knew a lot of things before they happened and it would prove to be valuable in many ways for my future.
The new decade of the 1960's was quickly approaching and it would be the beginning of a decade of unbelievable happenings. I began packing my luggage (metaphorically speaking) because I knew I had a plane to catch.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
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