Sunday, December 27, 2009


In facing any journey that one feels the need to do, the first and foremost thing is the focus that you must have in order to reach the destination. Any desire that you have must be given the full attention in order to sail over the finish line. All of us have the ability to achieve anything that we desire. Some of us are aware of our abilities to achieve, while some depend on other people to achieve it for them. While we were all not born with all the riches to buy the desire, most of us just have to create it ourselves. In retrospect that is a much better appreciation of what you have accomplished. As a youth, I would have to say that while it would have appeared that I was a total pain in the ass, my parents could never suggest that I was lazy and unmotivated. While most of the kids were being kids, I had a terrible problem with sitting still and would never settle for something that I was not the least bit interested in. As an adult you had the rule that adults are supposed to know better. At every chance I gave that rule a run for the money. I became acutely aware that if you wanted anything, you had to have money. I would have to credit a movie line that I heard many time that emphatically states, "Never, Never, Never do anything......except for money" I took that at face value and whenever asked to do something I would always inquire as to how much I would receive monetarily for the chore. Of course there were the simple household requirements, buy anything beyond that , you had to pay up or I would have no interest in doing it. It was not going to happen without a reward to put in my pocket. No one taught me this I just innately knew that this was my path. Albeit a seemingly selfish path but I was singing my own song. People were not allowed to change my lyrics unless you paid the musician.
I had no idea that I was developing life habits and the consequences that come with choices. Being young afforded me the reasons to make stupid choices and all that would be learned from them but you have no idea how they will follow you the rest of your life. It is in the adult years that you will have to be aware of not slipping back into habits that create bad repetitious outcomes.
I noticed that at age nine I certainly preferred myself over most people. I enjoyed my time alone and used it to further my fantasies and whatever I would want to do. School was easy for me and that made for quick homework and more time to spend on whatever project I had planned for myself. First and foremost was the daily writing of my letters to my PO BOX on the Decca album. Everyday things that happened would be inserted as if I was writing a journal. It seemed
all so important to do at the time and I would benefit greatly in being so diligent, but I would first have to wait till the summer of 1962. I would consider it one of the biggest events of my life and even now as I sit and write it all down, the feeling of how huge this was to me, still floods my heart with excitement. This year of 1962 further promoted my interest in all things hair. The more I went to the salon with my mother the more information I would write down. The more questions that I asked the closer I got to all the fascinating answers. There would be times when the answers were not what I wanted to hear and would have a bit of difficulty accepting it. I even thought I knew better and set out to prove the difference but failed miserably. I at least knew when to throw in the towel. It was easy for me to be three dimensional but still I yearned for being four and five dimensional. With the spatial mind like I had it was no wonder that I wanted something more than was being offered.
So much of what happened in this year would lead me to further my cognitive abilities to know what was going to happen before it would become reality. It would test my fears as I did not want to know some of the things.
I could see the family unit being tested on a daily basis. The stress of my parents unhappiness and the constant harassment from my brother encouraged me to more solitude. When the parents would have their heated discussions I could feel the energy oozing through the plaster walls. Even with the doors closed and the music playing the air was filled with negativity. I retreated to my music for the solace and calmness it afforded me. Life played like a roulette wheel, everyday was a gamble for the daily payoff. began to look at life a bit differently. It would be the year of recognitions and realities.
Marilyn Monroe died that year from an overdose and we still had fears of dying at the hands of Cubans and their missile crisis, since Cuba was so close to Florida. Leave it to our schools to promote the fears daily. I was fed up with the daily "duck and cover"drills and one morning I belligerently asked my teacher why she thought a desk would save us from a nuclear bomb. She had no much for adult guidance. I realized that year that all was not as it seems and being a celebrity had its price to pay. It became clear to me that if you were going to fly that high you had better be prepared for the touch down. I made a pact with myself that year to not get close to anyone and keep all secrets to myself. I held true to that pact and it has become one hard habit to break. I have always kept my landing gear down as I learned early on that the fall from grace can happen at any time. In order to get ahead you have to be prepared to takeoff and know that what goes up must come down.

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