I never imagined myself afraid of taking risks and chances where change of life and venue's were concerned. I would leap blindly off the mountain and hope to land standing upright and then walk forward. I learned to survive in school by doing this and it would continue into my personal choices in life decision's. The fears I feel now about past decision's are a product of the knowledge that I learned from living the realities I created by those giant leaps of faith. I sometimes shutter to think that I actually made that decision and lived to tell.
The restrictions that came with a family unit were destroyed when my parents split due to marital difficulties. I held tight to my convictions that no one would slow me down anymore, and quite frankly, no one attempted to. If there was something I wanted to do, I just did it. Should there be a place I wanted to go, I left on my own and went there. I had an attitude that comes with youth, to be impervious to anything and unaffected by any guidance. The arrogance of it all now seems so mind boggling. No regrets, mind you, but an awful lot of reality that contributes to the change in attitude that maturing has done.
When you converse with people you find that many have really never taken that leap into something that had no solid ground to land on for fear of failure. That is always the deciding factor when taking any risk. I have learned to understand the mechanics by which I learned to navigate the uncertainties. The failure to even think about what might happen should I take the chance, never seemed to enter my mind. It would appear to most people as ridiculous by not thinking things through first, but I felt it would take too much time to scan all the negative issues of the "what if's", so I just risked it all and let the chips fall into place. Interestingly enough, the actual fears would surface long after the initial approach into my decision. Time and time again I would await the next adventure and just go with what it would have in store for me.
I recall many evenings of total silent fears coursing through me which made for long unrestful nights, but as usual, the sun rose and a new day would offer a new insight and the fears just faded into the light of day. I would never allow many people to know of my quiet distress as I did not ever want to hear an "I told you so", but then again no one ever wants to hear those words. While it would seem that would be some sort of wake up call to pay more attention, I would take the lessons learned from the previous leap and stuff it into my parachute for the next jump that awaited me at some other time.
Youth does give you the feeling of invincibility, albeit a very misconstrued attitude, but it does lend the hand in risk taking. By today's standards it would wain considerably, teetering on the brink of boredom for the "Now" generation as technology has moved forward at an amazing speed and offers horizons beyond what I could see in my generation. Still, seeing beyond what is, is the much needed mirage in one's search to quench his thirst at the oasis of experience. From the adrenaline rush of the first risk you become hooked on the mind drug needed to get you to the next rush that chance can offer. The display of any deep secret internal fears for everyone to see was not an option, as determination became the coat that I would wear to keep them hidden. The fears of flying are the derisive results that appear in any risk or chance that you may act on, but they make you create a keener view of exactly where your headed.
Look, Leap, and Live!