If you decide sometime to change the things that are driving you crazy and strike out on the trails to wherever your fate leads you, always remember to keep the faith that change is good for the soul as well as the mind. I have pondered the search for a new direction for several years, and the time has come to now put up or shut up.
Making excuses to stave off the inevitable is the most common thing to do when major decisions are needing finality. Delaying them only makes it more confusing.
Second guessing gets in the way when holding back and the book of contents housing your desires becomes a boring repetitive story that most everyone is sick of hearing.
As for myself, here I sit in the very warm sunshine, with the temperatures soaring up the thermometer and my body feels ignited by the thoughts of everyday sun that arrives here on a daily basis. The mere thought of rain dampens my sun filled mind and still I sit here and write with the smallest amount of trepidation that seeps in while I plan my escape.
In the confines of my mind, there lies the missing piece to finish the puzzle of this impending change. I can feel it within but still it remains elusive as I strike out for the answers to solve the mystery of the private fears that spring up when least expected. It is not like I have not chosen this direction of desire before but it is only now that I readily perceive the patterns that have once again began a dissolution into what is now unchallenged in the game of my life.
I have been reminded by friends that life identity appears at some time for everyone who take a long look at daily living habits. I vividly recall the events that transpired when I answered the previous call for a life alteration. The knowledge of such event plays into my inability to quickly move on the yen toward change. They say knowledge is power yet it also can leave you on the sidelines when making another decision based on the experiences of the last familiar scenario. I definitely try not to let the past interfere with my tomorrow yet inadvertently it makes a presence as if monitoring my every thought.
I truly believe that whatever you desire, so it shall be, which has been proven to me on more than one occasion. Taking the initiative to make the first step will send you down the path to where you want to be. Information and awareness will pour out from every direction and I know that holding the focus on the goal post, will inevitably score the touch down. No matter how many books I may read on self help and psychology, the main point to all of that reading is "self directive" ergo the words self help. No one is going to do it for me, ultimately the oars are in my hands.
As I sit back and look into the clear blue sky I understand that old adage phrase more succinctly now: "on a clear day you can see forever"
There are no clouds that can mar the view into your soul, and deep into the blue clear space, lies a limitless amount of the unknown just waiting to be discovered. As human as it is we still thirst for the answers to our unknown and answer the call to find what may be beyond our own personal space.
Timing is a necessary evil in matters of responsibility to one's future. In just a matter of time I will be taking my pen in hand, in fact I have already bought my square of post it notes and eagerly await writing the messages of goodbye.
I will leave those post-it notes hanging on all the doors from my "pending" past.
Flashback to 1967..... and the song hit: "BY THE TIME I GET TO PHOENIX":
I envision myself driving away.....the sun will be rising. Later friends will be rising and find the notes I left hanging on their door. They will laugh when they read the part that says I'm leaving, as I said it all.... oh...so many times before.................
I guess, even I didn't know if I would really go!