During the past few months I have been in observance of many little things that never really captured me before. Realities usually going unobserved due to the facts of day to day chores and the constant focus on many other related issues that seem to drag your focus away from the small things. These small things get lost in the shuffle from one hour to another. More than usual, this weeks observance has been toward my dog, who with the simplest of grace is aging demurely and without notice on her behalf. The days of long brisk dog walks have ended and now we shuffle slowly and smell the grass and scents in the air longer. We take the same amount of time only our distance is now much shorter than before. At this stage of her life I realize that mother nature is dealing her hand swiftly and there is probably only a limited amount of days left that her life energy will sustain.
Everyday I hold in my emotions and try very hard to prepare for the inevitable day when she will have to leave me. Everyday I learn more and more about paying attention to the small things that she so innocently sees on her daily walks. It is because of her that I really understand the meaning of stopping to smell the roses and to get up and keep going even though you may not feel like it. Selfishly I am mad that I will have to endure the future days when her absence is felt within the confines of my heart. No matter how I prepare for the loss, it is by far going to be a very tall mountain to get over. In her eyes I can tell the things that she is thinking and everyday I receive more unconditional love and it feeds me the strength to know we are connected through an energy unseen by everyone else. The same things goes for anyone who has a companion of the canine genre.
These little wonders and truths all combine to form a better understanding of what life is all about to me, at least in this next stage of development. Gone are the days of immense chaos and stresses that seemed all so important and necessary. I often why wonder why it takes so long to figure out that paying attention to the smallest little thing can produce amazing revelations and insight into the tomorrows of your life. Now I take the time to remove the details that inflict and disrupt my mind and try to replace them with complacent ideas that mean much more than having to achieve more.
I have come to realize that my little wonders of today will be the realities of my tomorrow. I must admit that at times I am still confused and lost in the emotions of trying to figure out where to go next but then I look down at the figure laying on the floor, who sees me looking at her. Ever so gently she lifts her paw to signal me to come join her in a relaxing moment and put away the complex thoughts that are confusing me. As I slide down off my chair and remove my glasses her outstretched legs once again reach for me and I lay my head on her shoulders and my whole world melts away just hearing her breathe. She is totally unaffected by human responsibilities and enjoying the calmness and laying low for a while just letting time just move the moments are they are to be.
I feel her warmth on my cheek and feel at peace once again.... reminding me to take more time and experience the pleasantries of just being. Occasionally we both doze off for a while and when I awaken I seemed to have misplaced the reasons for feeling tense. I recognize what I have and where I have been more and more everyday and having her by my side has been the joy of not having to be alone through my transition to the tomorrows.
It's all in the thoughts that create the little wonders that end up shaping our futures. In a great way she saved me from myself and the destructive mind games I played. Each night as I carry her up the stairs to another night of sleep and rejuvenation, I look down at her sleeping by my bedside, and the wonder of our tomorrow hovers keeping me safe and hopeful that I will receive that dog kiss in the morning as we make our way outside to once again smell the scents of the new day.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
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