Months of nights and years of days.....Did you ever contemplate in a numerical way just how many days and nights that you have had consciousness? All the Octobers that drifted into the summer days that we all anticipated. Winters that never ended and springs that gave way to all things new. I recently have seemed to be more aware of the time element that comes with the age factors.
It was just recently I had taken my usual dog walk with my best dog friend and while she may be older she still chugs along albeit at times a bit slower than those early years, but on this morning we made it to the dog park and then the happiness sprang forth in her gait to find the closest squirrel. I was listening to my I-pod when a sentimental song started just as I was enjoying the sunlight and the leisurely stroll. It was at that time that I noticed my dog glistening in the sunlight, sniffing around all the aromas that took her pleasure. Suddenly she turned too quickly and down she slipped and my heart skipped a beat hoping she was alright when up she popped and moved on. I stood there and watched and once again she slid and went down once again, and once again she pulled herself back up as if nothing had happened. I watched in awe of her total lack of fear of what had just happened, like she knew she had to get back up and try again. With the song from my headphones emotionalizing my feelings I felt the floodgates of water begin to open in my eyes and realized that I would have to witness another transition of life, when she must leave me. I knew at that moment that the times to pay attention more have arrived and every remaining second I have to share with man's best friend is priceless and must be savored and filed in the precious memory file. That file will be opened at a later date when you have transitioned from any loss.
I stood the numbly on the walkway observing my surroundings as if I had never been there. The clouds, blue skies, newly leafed trees and wild creatures scampering too and fro when suddenly I got the feeling that someone was sending me a message that was being received loud and clear. With the music beginning the awareness, to my dog rushing to me to see if I was ok, as if she could smell the tears that ran down my face. I bent down to get my dose of dog licks when I realized that my messages were coming from a maternal signal. My awareness was making me realize that I am the age that Mother was when she transitioned without notice.
I then suddenly became aware of the same date in May twenty five years ago when I saw her alive for the last time. I could never put my finger on it but my psychic feeling made me on edge, and completely of mistrust with my Mother's health. She of course would not give in to any details other than that everything was given a doctor's approval. Still I felt uneasy and unassuredly accepted her answer.
I began to understand what was happening to me and why my emotions took a turn to sadness in those few moments. The age that I was experiencing at the present time was her stopping point and I suddenly was overwhelmed at the thought of not getting to move forward to complete my future hopes and dreams in my autumn years. While I know that our lifestyles were different I gave into the heredity facts for a moment and rushed to assume the worst when I was graciously appeased with the sense of maternal vibrations moving through me that calmed me. I then turned to see my furry friend jog softly by towards the trees and received the signal that I was being watched. She suddenly stopped to search for me as if to say "I'm over here if you need me".
Smiling through the tears I made a pact with myself and aimed it back toward my maternal linking signal that I would be even more aware of every gifted second that I live in my life. I will appreciate the lives I share now and the ones in the future that may have to leave this earth . They all will know the love I have for them as my signal will be sent out loud and clear. I will remember this day and the amazing ability of animal adaptation to go with the flow that life will give you.
Yes... on that crisp, cool morning, a wise old dog showed me the way to face life head on despite any physical changes. As I watched her rise from the falls I knew then that I would be able to get up and move along also... towards my next month of nights and years of days.
Monday, May 24, 2010
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