I came across a cache of photos today and as I took the time to go through them I once again traveled back to a time where the people images in the pictures were very much present in my life. Sad to say that most are no longer in or around my life and while there is a pang of sadness I realize that time has separated us and different roads took us to highways of life choices which took us to places far apart. The old saying of "out of sight is out of mind" rang loudly and awakened my sleeping hard drive.
My mood suddenly changed while I moved through the stack of images and with the music that played off in the distance, I became attuned to the fact that I sat alone. I drifted innocently back and felt the emotions that came with each photo. The smiles and obtuse poses and scenery possessed its own sacred feeling of yesterday's. It was as if each little moment of past time was extracted from files that were long ago locked away.
The secrets that we all once shared, I always find them in my memories. In times like this present moment I revel in the fact that all is locked inside of me and it can spill out and surround me with the splendor of "remembering". It is sometimes difficult for me to let the past slip in as it disrupts my present activities and ignites a yearning to relive what once was and will never be again. As each file displayed its content of memory I could feel the tear ducts begin to quiver and then my vision became blurred by the moisture that began to drip down my face. How was it that we all slipped away so easily? I write continuously about change and within each sentence of my word reality I know just how easily it was for me to sock away the past and get distracted by tomorrow.
Now that I am alone and my world is about to end as I know it in the present I feel the glow of the past in a much more appreciative view. Somehow it all feels like coming home and feeling the joy of family in your midst. While I never had the "relative family" I know more fervently now that my friends had become my family unit. As in any family there are those relatives that pass away and are no longer present yet you still carry the precious thoughts that once resonated with life. The dysfunctions, arguments, love-hate scenarios all existed to cement the bond that creates a family. I don't think I ever gave that much thought at the time but my age clarity has brought it to me full circle.
There are certain people that I miss and others that remain unnecessary, yet all in all each one became a piece in my picture puzzle. The friends that I hoped were to be of friendship longevity have begun to fade and flicker with the time due to their own choices of destiny. It is the inevitable ebb and flow of life relationships, and a realization that is sometimes hard to swallow.
When those poignant times of mind games appear, I open the bottle of bittersweet wine from yesterday, and I sip it slowly, savoring each memory while I fit the pieces of my picture puzzle together .... and remember when I made those memories with whom I shared.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
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