Saturday, August 11, 2012
As of late I have had a lot of time off and have taken the time to do a lot of things that people usually put off doing. Organizing things and going through things that no longer need to be held on to and overall just cleaning out some debris that has needed to disappear for quite a while, yet it never got taken care till as of now. In doing so I came across a cache of many photos and old personal cards. So many people that once played a role in my life, some are still here and so many are missing from the memory banks of time spent with past friendships. As I rummaged through the stacks and stacks of photos I came across scenes from my past that I so longed to be a part of and once again feel the emotions that once surrounded the now of then. I sat removed from the present time and could sense the power of memory and the amazing gift it is to possess. I held in my hand a photo of my 12 year old self in bright red pajamas hugging tightly the neck of my mother on a Christmas morning back in 1964. There on its stand was the prize "Stereo" with swing out speakers and a built in sing along microphone. It was the iPad of a generation to me and one of the most thrilling moments in my life at the time. Time passed by as I relived the whole event and could still feel the tight hold Mother had on me as I was crying from excitement as I heard my first stereo record being played. I melted within the confines of her loving arms and wanted so badly to reiterate how overwhelmed I was that I got what I had asked for and still possess to this day. I clearly had relived the past to feel the now of what once was through the imagery of the photo. The color that appeared on that Kodak paper once again colored my life as very lucky to be alive. From that one photo I walked the dizzying road through the stacks of pictures and rekindled many friends with my recognition and acknowledgement of their space and time spent with me. It all resonated similarities with a recent trip that I took by going back to my previous home area. I spent countless days and nights spending precious moments in time and conversation with friends. I found myself experiencing their prescense as we spoke on the topics of many things. Night after night I spoke of the realities that I have recently been coming to terms with and spoke of my awareness of how much the little things will one day become the biggest things that change us all. I saw an entirely different landscape that I never appreciated from that past time of life, due to my health and unhappiness. I got lost in the cruelty of private misery totally based on the truth that I had to move and step away to once again be found within myself. A process not at all for the weak of heart, as I never knew that a heart could break apart into many pieces and then repair itself so secretly. Then one day you wake up to find yourself living within a mind, body and spirit that you never knew could arise from clearer present thinking. I now have taken to freeze framing the images that touch me these days. I no longer feel the need to move beyond the next five minutes in any given day. I see, hear and feel things that are happening at that moment I am experiencing them. No matter how hard anything seems I have learned that nothing can be harder than to reevaluate the person within you. Recently reconnecting with friends that have weathered many situations with me showed me the way that TRUE friends can accept you through the good and the worst of times. So now when your going through your day remember to take a step back, focus in on the amazing gift of life and take that snapshot, freeze frame your joy and revel in the fact that it does not take a bright flash to see things more clearly.