MY PICTURE PUZZLE

I came across a cache of photos today and as I took the time to go through them I once again traveled back to a time where the people images in the pictures were very much present in my life. Sad to say that most are no longer in or around my life and while there is a pang of sadness I realize that time has separated us and different roads took us to highways of life choices which took us to places far apart. The old saying of "out of sight is out of mind" rang loudly and awakened my sleeping hard drive.

My mood suddenly changed while I moved through the stack of images and with the music that played off in the distance, I became attuned to the fact that I sat alone. I drifted innocently back and felt the emotions that came with each photo. The smiles and obtuse poses and scenery possessed its own sacred feeling of yesterday's. It was as if each little moment of past time was extracted from files that were long ago locked away.

The secrets that we all once shared, I always find them in my memories. In times like this present moment I revel in the fact that all is locked inside of me and it can spill out and surround me with the splendor of "remembering". It is sometimes difficult for me to let the past slip in as it disrupts my present activities and ignites a yearning to relive what once was and will never be again. As each file displayed its content of memory I could feel the tear ducts begin to quiver and then my vision became blurred by the moisture that began to drip down my face. How was it that we all slipped away so easily? I write continuously about change and within each sentence of my word reality I know just how easily it was for me to sock away the past and get distracted by tomorrow.

Now that I am alone and my world is about to end as I know it in the present I feel the glow of the past in a much more appreciative view. Somehow it all feels like coming home and feeling the joy of family in your midst. While I never had the "relative family" I know more fervently now that my friends had become my family unit. As in any family there are those relatives that pass away and are no longer present yet you still carry the precious thoughts that once resonated with life. The dysfunctions, arguments, love-hate scenarios all existed to cement the bond that creates a family. I don't think I ever gave that much thought at the time but my age clarity has brought it to me full circle.

There are certain people that I miss and others that remain unnecessary, yet all in all each one became a piece in my picture puzzle. The friends that I hoped were to be of friendship longevity have begun to fade and flicker with the time due to their own choices of destiny. It is the inevitable ebb and flow of life relationships, and a realization that is sometimes hard to swallow.

When those poignant times of mind games appear, I open the bottle of bittersweet wine from yesterday, and I sip it slowly, savoring each memory while I fit the pieces of my picture puzzle together .... and remember when I made those memories with whom I shared.

CHANCE OF A LIFETIME IN A LIFETIME OF CHANCE

I slipped quietly out the back door gate to take my daily five mile walk leaving my sleeping pup unaware of my disappearance, and as I zipped up my jacket I could feel the brisk nip of cool fall air as it surrounded me. I began to take notice of the brilliant colors of the leaves that hung on the limbs and branches and could almost feel their energy as they held on for the last moments of their colorful life. Soon those leaves will fall to the ground and be swept away by the October winds and brushed away by the street sweepers. They will leave behind the naked branches to prepare for the next renewal of spring where new buds would burst forth the next generation of color for all to see. While it seems like a scenario we all just take for granted, we should just stop and realize the magnitude of how much energy it takes to keep that cycle moving. To realize such a life cycle would give us a much more profound understanding of how much energy it takes to renew and to grow each day.

With each step I took I began to feel surrounded by an awareness that seemed to be following me and prodding me to dig a little deeper for the clarity of my visionary happening. As I turned the corner I could hear some people talking rather loudly and as I passed them I heard one of them enthusiastically exclaim "Wow, what a chance of a lifetime!" My pace continued quickly to move past them but for some reason I could not let go of the exclamation that still resonated in my head. It kept being repeated in my head and even got repeated backwards. Suddenly I realized that when it was repeated backwards it became the answer to the statement. In other words, if we really take the "chance of a lifetime then we take it and live it in a lifetime of chance" My moment of clarification had arrived!

Yes....my chance of a lifetime always became another chapter in my lifetime of chances. I really have taken chances in my lifetime and they have shown me the way to live my life. My choices have steered me to the realization that my life has always been much like the leaves on the trees. My seasons always came and left and there was always change pending. I know that soon I will be feeling new earth under my feet which would be leading me to the new roads I would very soon be walking. I will be naked like the branches and limbs of the trees until I soon experience the new horizons and surrounding scenery in a warm landscape.

Realizing that each and every day that arrives is my next chance of a lifetime and actually living that day to it fullest creates my lifetime of chance. Within the core of my being I will always be waiting for my next season to arrive signaling me to drop my leaves and watch my past be swept away. The renewal will then begin again and I will dig my roots in becoming grounded till the next seasonal appearance.

In every change I have encountered I have left behind past memories, friendships and unsolved energies that have yet to be solved, but all in all taking the chance to stand out of the present forest helped me to see what was needed to continue or to just leave behind what was no longer necessary. I am beginning to understand the true meaning of letting go and let come what may, and in doing so it had created the most amazing amount of freedom without boundaries. I can connect the dots and watch the game of life play out before me. Risk no longer holds past or future fears just an incredible amount of present that offers me one more day and another chance of a lifetime.

So.......get on with it.......take your chance of a lifetime........it's called LIFE!